Humor Section

Funny Harry Potter

2007-07-14T23:32:00.000-07:00

Protect Your Wand From Hogwarts when entering her Chamber of Secrets. Well these are called Harry Potter , i guess it would have been better if 2007 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was used for this . Trendy anyway and a lot of fun ;)

Baby Humor

2007-07-13T22:41:00.000-07:00

Wanted to find a young link and since this video has been around some while i decided to show a little video footage of baby humor i used it. This baby can laugh with a little funny tricks to get him/her going. Anyway the baby is so nice , so this proves once again that humor is for all ages.

I also seen the audio version of the babies laughter put as music to ring when someone calls. I guess a baby who is happy , laughs and enjoys humor is something everybody likes. Enjoy the Baby Humor !

Funny MMS Pictures

2007-07-10T10:54:00.000-07:00

Depending on the mobile phone that you own mms are of different sizes, although you can send in a mms any photo , image or picture up to a certain file size but make sure it is funny .

Multimedia messages however could be a fun way to humor your friends by sending them a MMS picture of a funny prank or funny comics or any other picture , photo or image that will bring a smile on your friends face or will make him/her laugh very good. It is important to use the most of the cellphone mms limitation to send a bigger picture to show as clearly as possible on the phone that is viewing that multimedia message.

Anyway here at humorsection we decided to make a blog post where I would accept recommendations of many images that will be run later in a poll to be chosen the top 10 best funny mms pictures. Until then try the current funny mms images from this post and feel free to comment.

One mms picture of a crazy look , more mms to come:

Funny MMS Pictures for your multimedia messages

Funny Chinese Torture

2007-07-10T01:44:00.000-07:00

A man is traveling through the jungle for days. Growing tired, he passes by a house and decides to ask if they could put him up for the night. After he knocks on the door, an old Chinese man with a beard that reached the floor answers. The traveler asks if he could stay the night, and the Chinese guy agrees -- as long as he doesn't screw his granddaughter. Before the traveler can agree, the old man warns him that if he does screw his granddaughter, he will perform the three greatest Chinese tortures on him. The traveler says okay, and the man lets him in.

When it was time for dinner, the man meets the granddaughter, who is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. After he figures that the old man is asleep, he goes into her room and makes love to her.

The next morning, the man awakes with a 100-lb rock on his chest with a sign reading, "First Chinese torture: wake up with 100-pound rock on chest." Being a strong man, the traveler thinks nothing of it. He picks up the rock and throws it out the window. On the back of the rock, there is another sign reading "Second Chinese torture: right ball tied to rock." Thinking quickly, the traveler jumps out the window. On the other side of the window, there is another sign reading, "Third Chinese torture: left nut tied to bed post."

Funny cell phone ringtones

2007-07-06T22:07:00.000-07:00

Funny_Cell_Phone_Ringtones_[NoFS]

152 Funny Cell Phone Ringtones...

1-900-Answering Machine Message
3 Different Rings
24 hours CTU mix - ringtone Nokia 6230i
American Soldiers
Annoying Ringtones Very Funny
Answering Machine - Scooby Doo
Answering Machines Messages - Phone Tap Warning
Baby Laugh
Baseball Choir Let´s Go Angels
Basil Fawlty Answer The Telephone
Beer Song
Beethoven´s 5th Pick Up
Billy Conelly
Borat Ringtone
Boss pick up
Bring me good news
Brown Bear In The Air (Jamba)
Cat Fight
Cat Meows
Cat Purring
Cell Ringing
Chicken Coop
Chiken Mix
Coca cola
Coldplay - Speed Of Sound
Cow and Chicken
Cow laughin
Crank - Chev's Ringtone
Crazy Frog Speed (Remix)
Darth_Vader_Orgasm
Day-o
Del boy
Dirty Harry Clint Eastwood
Disco Star!
Dog Growl
Donald Duck
Drunk Phone
Elephant
Elvis Answering Machine Message
Elvis Presley - Answering Machine Message
Explosion Ringtone
Extreme Orgasm
Family Guy - answering machine
Fart Technotone 2
Farting Rocket
Ferd Flinstone
Ferrari Owner
Ferrari Vodafone Ringtones
Franchini Batista
Fucking_Ringtones (what a ringtone should sound like)
FUNNY TRUE RING TONES
George Costanza - Answering Machine - Seinfeld
Ghetto Mama
Give Me Some Attention
Godzilla Roar (Ringtone)
Gong
Group Mixer!
Gun shot
Happy Birthday Song
Hello
Hello!
Hey Sexy Man
Hey you pick me up ringtone
Hey Your Phone Is Ringing
Hey Your Phone is Ringing trow it or pick it up
HiHiiiii Hahaaaa
Hispanic
Homer
Homer Simpson - nacho man
I´ve got a friend
I´ve Gotta Custom Ringtone
Indian Answer The Phone
Indian crazy frog
Indian Outraged
Indian Phone Advisor
Indian Please Pick Up
Indiana Jones - Ringtone
It´s Your Phone
Ive got a friend
Jamboree Ringtone
Jamster Ringtones - Pick Up The Phone
John Cleese-Fawlty Towers Answering Machine
Jurassic Park - T-Rex Roar
Kill Bill Nurse Whisle Ringtone
Kookaburra Bird
Lost Phone
Lost Phone Ringtone
Mad Answering Machine Message
Mad Cow
Madonna - Hung Up
Mafia
Marge Simpson
Message Coming
Message Now Coming!
Messagetone Austin Powers Phone
Mexican Hat
Micheal Caine Blows Your Head Of
Mission Impossible
Mix And......
Modern Phone
Mosquito
Nagging Phone
Old_Phone
One Missed Call Ringtone
One missed call Ringtone High Quality
Osama Bin Laden Calling
Ozzy Answer The Fuckin' Phone
Pack Of Wolves
Pick Up The Phone
Porky Pig Swearing
Pot Smokers Answering Machine
Psycho Frog
Psycho Frog Beatbox
Psycho Frog Ring Ring
Pulp Fiction
Santas Phone Answer Message
Sex
Sexy you've got mail
Shut up
Silly Sal
Simpsons (Itchy & Scratchy)
Singing Indian!
Smoke on the water
SMS Arrived
Sonando Mi Telefono
Sounds Of Nature-Frogs,Birds, 101 Digital Sound Effects
Star Trek - Answering Machine Message
Star Trek - Captian Incoming Message
Star Wars - Chewbacca - Yell
Stop Messin About!
Stupid Ringtone
Super Mario Bross Ringtone
Superman Returns Oficial
Svara unge skywalker
Sweety And Fluffy - Little Birds Rock
Sweety The Chick (Real Tone)
The Simpsons - Homer Simpson Answering Machine
Theme - Pink Panther Ringtones
Tosser Detection System
Urgent Message
V8 Race Car Engine (Ringtone Version)
Wanker
Wat Up
Wazz Up...
Whoo Haa Haa
Wii Sports Theme - Ringtone
Yoda Laugh
Yoda message
Your Boyfriend Wants To Talk

Your Mobile Phone is Ringing, MP3, listen. Funny ... Cell Phone Bob - Ringtones (Tasty Tones Media), MP3, listen. Funny Cell Phone Sal Ass (Tasty)

Link: rapidshare.com/files/41353397/FunnyPhoneRT2.rar.html

TOP FUNNY RINGTONES and Funny Annoying Cell Phone Ring Tones you can start anyones humor when your cellphone starts to ring and you have a cool music ringtone that is funny.

Smart Dog

2007-07-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

Top 10 funny Signs Your Dog Is More Intelligent Than You !

10. Neighbors complain about loud music and howling coming from your apartment in the middle of the day.
9. You find mysterious sculpture of a human (who looks strikingly like you) on a leash in your living room.
8. Ice floating in toilet water.
7. Neighborhood cats bring dog treats to your doorstep.
6. Friends swear they’ve seen your car at the local meat-processing plant.
5. You can never find the leftovers.
4. The remote is covered with slobber, and the TV was left on The Nature Channel.
3. The dog doesn’t lick itself anymore… now it’s the cat’s job.
2. Mensa mailings addressed to “Rover.”
1. Your apartment keys no longer work.

Fly unzipped

2007-07-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

Ways to tell someone their fly is unzipped

1. “The cucumber has left the salad.”
2. “Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.”
3. “Your soldier ain’t so unknown now.”
4. “Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.”
5. “Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!”
6. “Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.”
7. “You’ve got your fly set for Monica instead of Hillary.”
8. “You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantaloons.”
9. “I’m talking about Shaft, can you dig it?”
10. “Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis.”

Have fun in online casinos

2007-06-29T15:43:00.000-07:00

The following is a paid review:
I found some good casions on the Online Casino BlueBook website . This is a list of the top casions on the internet . This list provides details such as payouts for each casino and a review that makes a difference in choosing the right casino for online betting.
If you are like me , then you want a good deal to start with .
The reviews for each casino from the 10 best casinos list are written by experienced online gamblers and provide personal experience for each casino , various tips and listings of payouts for each game from the casino . You will also know what kind of deposits each casino accepts.
Popular online casinos and online poker rooms are a great way to have fun if you have at least some money to spend . Don’t be surprised but you might end up with more money in the end . Poker is an easy game and although some people are more experienced than others in the big picture anyone can win at this game . Well if you happen to loose don’t worry just try another game from the online casino . Remember the important thing is to have fun . You could also bring your friends for an online competition .

Funny Pickup Lines

2007-06-28T13:35:00.001-07:00

@ Pickup Lines For Computer Geeks

- Nice Set of Floppies!
- Hey, how 'bout I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU.
- I'd like to play on your laptop.
- Need me to unzip your files?
- If you were an ISP, I'd dial you all day long!
- I'd like to boot up your PC!
- I'll bet my hard drive is the biggest you've ever seen!
- I've got a 21 inch... (monitor)
- I'd get a T3 to watch your streaming video...
- Your homepage or mine?

Reincarnation

2007-06-27T08:12:00.001-07:00

Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Jason, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".
The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St. Peter".
Jason was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away".

St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Jason, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before".
"Never" replies Jason.
"Well just relax and let it happen".
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him... ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting "Jason, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting the bed!"

No Sex Tonight

2007-06-25T23:11:00.000-07:00

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ somuch. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I havenever figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting intobed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feellike it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for meto satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled lookby saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you inthe bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time withher. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, bigunnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried onseveral different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one totake so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes tocompliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. Wewent onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamondearrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I wasone wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me becauseshe asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to playtennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is alldear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feellike it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffledWHAT?”

I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’rejust not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfyyour shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like shewas going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am andnot for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.

Gov Logo

2007-06-25T00:49:00.000-07:00

Now this is funny as in corporate humor :
The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than this .

Satellite Gps tracking of every mobile

2007-06-17T10:26:00.000-07:00

I found out this site that lets you enter any telephone number and it will try to find and show you the exact location of the mobile holder with a 10 feet error range.

So what do you wait I bet you want to find out what your girlfriend / boyfriend is doing right now if she/he is not besides you @ Mobile Phone Tracking

Father Day Jokes

2007-06-17T10:19:00.000-07:00

Since today : 17 June 2007 is father day in El Salvador, Guatemala and the first father's day in USA was celebrated on June 19, 1910, in Spokane, WA I decided to gather some Father's day jokes :

One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper.

The little girl said, "Daddy, your the boss, aren't you?"

Her Daddy smiled, pleased, puffed out his chest and replied, "Yes."

"That's because Mommy put you in charge, right?"

*******

"Daddy, Daddy, can I have another glass of water, please,"
"But, I've given you 10 glasses of water already!"
"Yes, but the bedroom is still on fire!"

*******

Quote from kid: "My Dad thinks he wears the trousers in our house, but it's always Mom who tell him which pair to put on!"

******

Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one!

******

What do you call the two people that embarrass you the most in front of your friends?

Mom and Dad

Happy Father's day to all the Dad's out there

Football & Sex

2007-06-16T11:47:00.001-07:00

Coin Toss = Asking them out

Kickoff = Holding hands

1st Down = Kissing

2nd Down = Up the shirt

3rd Down = Down south

4th Down = Oral action

Touchdown = Shaggin’

Victory Dance = Smoking afterwards

Time Out = The guy needs more time/can’t get it up

Incompletion = Guy can’t get off

Interception = Someone walks in on the two of you

Offsides = Gay person/Gay action

Flag on the play = Unwanted Advances

Delay of game = Girl has her period

Hail Mary = Not sure the other one wants it, but you go for it anyway

Hike = Up the rear

Reverse = 69

Sack = Girl takes control and gets frisky

2pt. conversion = Multiple orgasms

Prevent Defense = Condom/protection

Face Mask = Guy pulls girl head down to blow him

Shotgun = Touchdown in a car

Two minute warning = Guy gives the girl a warning before he blows his load

Holding = Cuddling

Superbowl = Wedding or Prom night

Huddle = Multiple participants

Madden ‘99 = Cybersex

Instant replay = When you tape the two of you having sex

Illegal use of the hands = Masturbation

Ball Hog = Slut

Onside Kick = Making up after a fight

Double Header = Two mates in the same night

Tight End = Virgin

Wide Receiver = Girl that’s loose

False Start = Guy/Girl gets shut down (denied)

Pass Interference = Some stupid kid interrupts before you can get some

Fumble = Cheating (problem in the relationship)

Putting it through the uprights = Self explanatory

Special Teams = Prostitute/Gigolo

Unsportsmanlike Conduct = Bragging to your friends about your activities

Double Coverage = Two condoms

Handoff = Handjob

Funny Taste

2007-06-14T08:37:00.000-07:00

First of all, nope, this isnt a joke...

Just two days ago (12th June), in Japan... they released a new version of Pepsi:

Thats right, Pepsi.... ice.... cucumber.... : i wonder what tast does the drink have . I bet you too can't wait to taste its flavor , a rather humorous sensory impression i think , but I will hold my comments unti I will get to really taste it . It's Funny that you can see the competition betwen these two big drink manufacturers , and they seem to run out of ideeas on how to beat each other down and take the lead in sales. Taste is a strong point in this battle and either one of the companies could choose a taste that either sounds funny and you just want to try it at least once or something that you think you will switch to.

I think of the taste of cucumber, then I think of the taste of Pepsi... and damn they do not go well together.

OK.. i was a fan of Lemon cola, coke with vanilla, even cherry coke... but this... this seems a little crazy
Whats more, is people have already tried it and they say its disgusting lol

Whats your take on the new flavor?
and while you're here, which do you prefer; Coke or Pepsi?
@ Funny Taste

Funny Lines

2007-06-14T03:00:00.000-07:00

How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
Does that screwdriver really belong to Phillip?
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is the third hand on a clock called a second hand?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?
Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his walkman?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

conclusions:

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all?'

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it!

some preety intresting(or not,just unusuall)things:

The venom in a Daddy Longlegs spider is more poisonous than a Black Widow's or a Brown Recluse, but they cannot bite humans because their jaws won't open wide enough.

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads 5,000 times, but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

Humans and Dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

The pop you get when you crack your knuckles is actually a bubble of gas bursting.

101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents who are present and don't die throughout the movie.

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

There's no Betty Rubble in Flintstones Chewable Vitamins.

It's impossible to get water out of a rimless tire.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

Did you know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider?

In Minnesota it is illegal to cross state lines with a duck on your head.

In Indiana it is illegal to ride public transportation for at least 30 minutes after eating garlic.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

Polar bears are left-handed.

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it.

A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.

The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.

Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump".

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.

If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

A snail can sleep for 3 years.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

China has more English speakers than the United States.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

Vatican City is the smallest country in the world, with a population of 1,000 and a size 108.7 acres.

The longest town name in the world has 167 letters.

You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA.

No president of the United States was an only child.

The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.

A quick guide on how to bathe a cat:

1. Scrub toilet and flush several times.(You may consider this step optional.)
2. Fill toilet with warm water and add a squirt of pet shampoo.
3. Drop cat in toilet and slam lid shut.
4. Sit on lid. Cat's efforts to free itself will generate a good deal of sudsing and washing motions.
5. Flush toilet a couple of times to rinse the cat. NOTE: Hold securly to leash attached to cat in toilet.
6. Leap off toilet seat, dash out the door, and slam it shut securly, because kitty will erupt from the bowl as if jet propelled.
7. Leave kitty to sulk and dry himself.
8. Bask in self-congratulatory haze.

and last,but not least,why is human kind doomed:
(those are from actuall products)

On a blanket from Taiwan.
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists.
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

On a Taiwanese shampoo.
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink.
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

On a New Zealand insect spray.
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

In a US guide to setting up a new computer.
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles.
OPEN OTHER END.

On a Sears hairdryer.
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

On a bag of Fritos.
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap.
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding.
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On a Korean kitchen knife.
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights.
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)

On a Japanese food processor.
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts.
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? And that's bad why?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts.
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)

On a child's superman costume.
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

On some frozen dinners.
SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box.
FITS ONE HEAD.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron.
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine.
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

On Nytol sleep aid.
WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Duh!)

@ Funny Lines

Funny Darth Vader

2007-05-28T23:08:00.000-07:00

Now this is what I call

Star Wars Humor

.

You all know Darth Vader from Star Wars , but did you know he's gone wild :P =)) Check this funny Darth Vader picture listed below and you'll have a laugh .

Funny Darth Vader

Funny Avatar Gif

2007-05-27T11:56:00.000-07:00

Whether you are a member of a forum or want to have a nice blog profile , you should most definitely consider having a nice gif animation as a profile picture so that you would impress a nearby visitor with a funny avatar of gif format.

Humor will do its job very well . Probably you might ask yourself why choose animation over static image for an avatar ?

Funny Avatar Gif

Avatars are pictures or animations that you can assign to profiles in order to bring light and collor to a page. A funny avatar will most likely entertain your visitors and make them relax and enjoy reading your profile , forum or blog post or just a particular page .
Gif files are a great choice for avatars as the file size is usually smaller due to the gif file compression and specifications . It will load much faster . Indeed there is a downside as gif files allow only 256 collor display so your average avatar might look funny but this is the point to have a funny avatar in gif format.

For example the avatar above is a relatively small one and is a great choice for funny avatar as its humor will most likely entertain anybody.

Make sure to get your Halloween Avatars set for October!

Funny avatar gif

2007 Funny Jokes

2007-05-25T11:51:00.000-07:00

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when.....

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your
coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
: )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list

:P

Blogging

2007-05-22T06:49:00.000-07:00

Hy Humor Readers,

Starting as of today I want to try a new concept . If you have a humor blog , a funny jokes blog or any kind of blog related or not to my topic then feel free to blog about my blog , write a few words about my blog and send me an email at humor@sportse.org and I will write a quick review about your blog on my blog . It's an interesting ideea and I'm sure you'll love it.

Regards

Funny Hands

2007-05-10T21:49:00.000-07:00

Funny Hands

Decided to offer these amazing pictures that show those cool hand figures that we all used to make sometime . Make your hand like a dog , or like an eagle . It's very funny. Well humor is not all here as these hands are also painted and so the humor also becomes expressive. Below are a bunch of pictures and photos of Funny Hands as those hands that mimic different animals are funny.

(Funny Hand that is painted like a hawk)

(Funny Hand that is painted like a jaguar, you can almost feel the animal :P)

Some other funny looking hands photos are listed below:

(This is one funny hand.)

(Dog lookalike funny hand).

Reply here with your own new funny hands if you know some other animal impressions.

Sweet Funny Words

2007-05-09T12:53:00.000-07:00

HIM: Hooray! Finally! I can't wait any more!
HER: Maybe I should go?
HIM: No, Don't even think about it!
HER: Do you love me?
HIM: Sure!
HER: Have you ever cheated me?
HIM: No, how could you ever think a thing like this?
HER: Will you kiss me?
HIM: Yes , of course!
HER: Will you beat me?
HIM: No way!
HER: Can I trust you?
After marriage: read from bottom to top !!

Healthy Wine

2007-05-09T04:18:00.001-07:00

Wine vs Water

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have
demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year
we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) bacteria
found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey or
other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of
boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink
water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing
it as a public service.

Canada funny questions

2007-05-09T04:16:00.000-07:00

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. The answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. ( Italy )
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )
A: What, did your last slave die from?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-DA is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is after every Flames game in Calgary . Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ?( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays after every hockey game in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Does size matter ? Funny video

2007-05-03T23:53:00.000-07:00

prepare yourself for a great laugh ;) Women always complain of how guys always stare at their boobs or buts or how most of the times that is their focal point , but how about the other way around . What happens when a woman or women stare at you in that way ? Just watch this awesome prank on video .

glumbert.com - Does size matter?

Might be an interesting prank to do yourself and you could make your own homemade funny video :P just a suggestion

Digg pwned , digg users still control the system

2007-05-01T22:36:00.000-07:00

Digg pwned , digg users still control the system

Just loaded digg.com in my browser and saw a bunch of codes , so I wondered , was digg pwned , was digg hacked or something ? Actually this is a sign of protest from digg users . The story goes something like this . Kevin Rose deleted a submitted digg with a HD-DVD story so that's why digg users started to act on this , a lot of top diggs have a bunch of codes such as this:

09-F9-11-02-9D-74-E3-5B-D8-41-56-C5-63-56-88-C0

(click the image to enlarge it)

Now digg is Out of Service

As stated later by Kevin Rose here at:
http://blog.digg.com/?p=74

[quote]
We had to decide whether to remove stories containing a single code based on a cease and desist declaration. We had to make a call, and in our desire to avoid a scenario where Digg would be interrupted or shut down, we decided to comply and remove the stories with the code.
[/quote]

So as stated above , will digg really go down for having HD-DVD codes posted ? At least I am happy to see those protest diggs were allowed and now we have a change of attitude in this matter .

We should support freedom of speech .

If you are a digg user then support the cause , also reply here and leave a message .

Funny looking costume

2007-04-19T22:57:00.000-07:00

Here is a funny costume idea for kids that you can make at home. You'll get a funny looking kid in a can full of worms , you're prone to start some laughs as this costume won first and Grand Prize at a Halloween funny costume contest.

(cool funny costume for your kid)

Breathalyzer funny looking costume for men is an ideal solution to entertain your friends at a party. It's just funny , see for your self the picture below.

(funny costume idea for parties)

And for the Ladies the Kissing Booth funny costume , that I bet it's a lot of fun at parties.
Check this photo:

(a lady costume that is funny looking and fun)

Funny Beach Sign

2007-04-15T23:10:00.000-07:00

You would expect an "only nude people allowed" sign but on this nudist beach you will see a different sign. :P

Funny things kids say about our ocean

2007-04-15T01:24:00.000-07:00

Children writing about the sea.....

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls.
(James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island .
If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent.
( Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson. She's not my friend no more.
(Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breathes through an arsehole on the top of its head.
(Billy age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.
(Millie age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle
to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating
beans.
(William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails.
How do mermaids get pregnant?
(Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always
screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big
sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.
(Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can
give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my
willy small.
(Kevin age 6)

12) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was
going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up
her fanny.
(Julie age 7)

13) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers
can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
(Becky age 8) :P

Funny Video - Extreme Surfing

2007-04-15T01:19:00.000-07:00

Pro_300_dynamitesurfing_320
Uploaded by tonio38580

Good Girl , Bad Girl Humor

2007-04-15T01:06:00.000-07:00

Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"...
Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?"

Good girls never go after another girl's man...
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties...
Bad girls don't wear any.

Good girls wax their floors...
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot...
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls make chicken for dinner...
Bad girls make reservations.

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...
Bad girls know they could do better.

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss...
Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich.

Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.

Good girls love Italian food...
Bad girls love Italian waiters.

Christian Humor - Jesus vs the devil

2007-04-14T01:27:00.000-07:00

Jesus and Satan were having an argument as to who was the better programmer. This went on for days until they agreed to hold a contest with God as the judge. They sat at their computers and began.

They typed furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up on the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning struck, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power was restored, and God announced that the contest was over. He asked Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan was visibly upset, and cried, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well, then," God said, "Let us see if Jesus did any better."

Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers. Satan was astonished. He stuttered, "But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"

God chuckled, "Jesus saves"

[quote]

There are loads of Shirts, that say, JESUS SAVES, meant is JESUS saves your life.

Enjoy the joke.
[/quote]

Funny Humor - Lawyers

2007-04-13T01:35:00.000-07:00

The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.

After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue.

After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

Best Joke I know to slap someone :P

2007-03-11T04:56:00.000-07:00

A pimp is sitting in a backstreet waiting for his THREE (make sure you emphasize the 'three') hoes to come back for the night. After a long wait, the first one finally arrives.

The pimp says "Hey you're late! Anyway - you owe me $100, so pay up..."
The hoe replies "Umm I'm pretty sure it was only $70..."
The pimp slaps the hoe and says "Don't correct me bitch!"

Just after this the second hoe comes around the corner.
The pimp says "Hey you took your time... now pay up... you owe me $150!"
The hoe replies "No, it was only $100 i owed you..."
The pimp slaps the hoe and says "Don't correct me bitch!"

The third hoe then suddenly comes around the corner...
The pimp says "Hey Hey.. get over here.. you owe me $300 so gimme the money..."
The hoe replies "What? I only owed you $220!"
The pimp again, slaps the hoe and says "Don't correct me bitch!"

Then the fourth hoe comes around the corner...
(At this point, someone you're telling the joke to should point out "But I thought you said there we're only three hoes..." - Slap them and say "Don't correct me bitch"

Funny Humor - A Happy Life

2007-03-02T00:24:00.000-08:00

FIVE RULES FOR ALL MALES TO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, is a good cook, cleans and has a well paid job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh and laughs at your jokes.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is superb in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.

Political humor - Nice Trade

2007-02-26T12:25:00.001-08:00

Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was
carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir."

The President replies "These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Ted Kennedy, and I got one for Senator John Kerry."

The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says,

"Excellent trade, sir."

Humor - Age

2007-02-26T12:23:00.002-08:00

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothing" said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.

"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap
every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."

Funny Joke - Please Stand Up

2007-02-26T12:23:00.001-08:00

One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.
He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
"Well, hello there sir. So you actually think you`re a moron?" the professor asked.
The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn`t want to see you standing there all by yourself."

Funny Picture - Mousepad for man

2007-02-23T00:48:00.000-08:00

check out this cool new 3d mouse pad with rest arm ;)

breasts.txt

2007-02-21T08:23:00.000-08:00

(o)(o) Perfect breasts
(+)(+) Fake silicone breasts
( * )( * ) Perky breasts
(@)(@) Big nipple breasts
oo A cups
{O}{O} D cups
(oYo) Wonder bra breasts
( ^ )( ^ ) Cold breasts
(o)(O) Lopsided breasts
(Q)(O) Pierced breasts
(p)(p) Hanging tassels breasts
\o/\o/ Grandma’s breasts
( - )( - ) Against the shower door breasts
o | | o | Android breasts
( $ )( $ ) Martha Stewart’s breasts

Funny - English Love Poem

2007-02-19T01:31:00.001-08:00

An English Love Poem
(Who said British men aren't romantic?)

Of course I love ya darling
You're a bloody top Notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word

So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin' there to grab

So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can Get my arms round there

No woman who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best

I'm tellin ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me grannies grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get

No matter wot you look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the soccer's on
And fetch another beer

Funny Jokes - Why I divorced my wife

2007-02-18T00:42:00.000-08:00

"What would you like?" my wife asked as she prepared the evening meal. "Tuna, salmon, chicken, beef or liver?" Surprised and pleased by this unusual opportunity to make a selection from such an extensive dinner menu, I replied, "Beef would be nice for a change, thank you."

"Oh," she said, "I wasn't talking to you, I was asking the cat. We're having soup." ....

Build your powered model aircraft

2007-02-11T12:21:00.000-08:00

Build your powered model aircraft - very easy guide

Funny Jokes - Bacon and Eggs

2007-02-06T21:02:00.000-08:00

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his

mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he

kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes

to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast

and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get

any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any

eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for

a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't

getting any milk."

Puzzle

2007-02-03T23:15:00.001-08:00

IF
1 = 5
2 = 25
3 = 125
4 = 625
5 = ?

Think…

Humor , to make you smile

2007-02-03T23:13:00.000-08:00

1.. My wife and I divorced over religious differences…..She thought she was God and I didn’t.

2.. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4.. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6.. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

7.. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10.. I’m not a complete idiot –Some parts are missing.

11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the st uffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room -spinning medicine.

13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17.. Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!

18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19.. Procrastinate Now!

20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24.. They call it PMS be cause Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

25.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27.. Ham and eggs: A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28.. The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30.. I smile because I don’t know what the heck is going on.

Funny Picture - Iraq Exit Strategy

2007-02-03T23:10:00.000-08:00

Simon says Modern Reality not Joke

2007-02-01T22:10:00.000-08:00

Vista contains improved speech recognition technology, a factor which prompted security researchers to see if it was possible to create MP3 files on hacker websites or audio tracks distributed on P2P networks to issue spoken commands which takes control of PCs running Vista.

Read more:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/02/01/vista_voice_recognition_attack/

Funny Bra Cup Sizes

2007-01-27T09:42:00.000-08:00

A visual explanation for us guys to show where bra cup sizes come from:

Jokes - Pilots and ATC

2007-01-25T00:48:00.000-08:00

(warning quite long)
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

Those English are quite tough on the Germans. You’d think it was them that won the war and not the North Americans.

That was just for you Rich, from your Scottie neighbours

Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers:

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."

TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet.

How much noise can we make up here?"

Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a

747 makes when it hits a 727?"

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff line:

"I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control:

"Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...

I've got the little Fokker in sight."

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked,

"What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway,

if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101,

make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English):

"If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English):

"I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany.

Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):

"Because you lost the bloody war!"

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff,

contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure.

By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind

of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,

contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger;

and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,

"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger:

"I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours

and I'll have enough parts for another one."

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign: Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience):

"Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, --

And I didn't land."

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for

Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:

"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between

C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:

"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out!

You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive

taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you,

when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the

verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground

controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around

Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence

and keyed his microphone, asking:

"Wasn't I married to you once?"

News - Terrible F1 accident

2007-01-23T12:57:00.000-08:00

This is just in : Newsflash

Terrible F1 accident just happened today .

Cool - 3 Fuses

2007-01-20T09:44:00.000-08:00

Nice trick to do at a party . Actually there is no trick involved anyway this is a great way to amaze your friends and get 10 bucks quick ;) .

Two Blondes Joke

2007-01-19T23:14:00.000-08:00

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

Funny Picture - Popey's Mom

2007-01-15T09:12:00.000-08:00

You all know Popeye the Sailor man , that great animation figure from toons like those from Cartoon Network or other channels.

Look at this picture , it's an old lady looking greatly like him , maybe she's his mom:

Funny Disney T-Shirt

2007-01-11T22:56:00.000-08:00

Check out this amazing funny disney T-Shirt. I wonder if you can get it at Disney World.

Anyway what I find strange that the cups that are of particular interest are different. One features Minnie and the other Mickey .

Funny - Beer contains female hormones

2007-01-10T00:31:00.000-08:00

Beer contains female hormones......

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released
the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of
female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain
phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a
1 Hour period.

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1) argued over nothing.
2) refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally
8 )Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

Funny Ridiculous chain letter

2007-01-10T00:28:00.000-08:00

If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes"

Delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it.

Apparently this one is pretty nasty.

It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.

It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.

It will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.
It will drink ALL your beer.
FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING? ?
It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine. If the "Bedtimes" message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
***
WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.
***
And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.
Send this warning to everyone!!!

THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD!
Right now, as you read this, 17 Million people are having SEX!!!

And look at you - you're on the computer!!!!

Jokes - Lottery winner

2007-01-08T00:14:00.000-08:00

Sue just won the lottery and she decides that she is sick of working, so she calls her boss and tells him. "I cant come in today" her boss asks "why" Sue tells him " I have anal glaucoma" he says "what do you mean" Sue says " that i don't ever see my ass coming in again"

Jokes - Irish Slippers

2007-01-07T21:12:00.000-08:00

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs
and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's
two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!"

"I'll prove it," Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

Holiday elf greeting card

2006-12-30T00:33:00.000-08:00

Cheerfull animation flash postcard to send to amuse your friends on christmas holidays or when it's just snowing outside.

Don't wait .. Go elf yourself :))

www.elfyourself.com

Ultimate Christmas Gift for men

2006-12-21T00:37:00.000-08:00

This is the ultimate christmas gift all you women out there could get for your friend/boy friend / or husband with this special occasion.

Merry Christmas Everybody and a Happy New Year ! I won't be posting very much on holidays as I will be in vacation away from home .

The Smartest Sardar

2006-12-20T01:09:00.000-08:00

A Sardar went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn’t like Sardars.
The game warden ordered the Sardar to show his hunting license, and the Sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from Ontario.This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin’ license,boy?”
The Sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said “This ain’t no Quebec duck.
This duck’s from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?”
The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Manitoba duck. This here duck’s from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia huntin’ license?”
Again the Sardar reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license.
The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Sardar “Just where the hell are you from?”
The Sardar smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, “You tell me, you’re the expert.”

Words Hidden Meanings

2006-12-17T23:51:00.000-08:00

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = I need to complain
7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
13. You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive
15. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
16. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
17. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question
8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next 3 mins.
14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to have sex with you.
15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

Funny - engineer's Life

2006-12-17T23:50:00.000-08:00

How to determine if you are an engineer: So True ...

1. The only jokes you receive are through email (OUCH)
2. At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string of Christmas lights.
3. Buying flowers for your girlfriend/boyfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma
4. If you find that you have to often explain how to use the gifts you have given other people.
5. Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room
6. In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure
7. The Salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
8. You are always late to meetings
9. You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling
10. You are next in line on death row in a French Prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly, so you offer to fix it.
11. You bought your wife/husband a new CD ROM drive for her birthday
12. You forget to get a haircut (for 6 months!)
13. You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
14. You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting
15. You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines
16. You comment to your wife/husband that her straight hair is nice and parallel
17. You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects
18. You have Dilbert comics/paphanelia displayed anywhere in your work area
19. You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
20. You have more friends on the internet than in real life
21. You have backed up your hard drive
22. You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.
23. You have used coat hangars and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
24. You know what http:// stands for
25. You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
26. You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
27. You see a good design and still have to change it
28. You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring
29. You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it
30. You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory
31. You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
32. You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)
33. You window shop at Radio Shack
34. You're in the backseat of your car, she/he is looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite
35. Your checkbook always balances
36. Your laptop computer costs more than your car
37. Your wife/husband hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work
38. Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300 MHz pentium
39. You've already calculated how much you make per second
40. You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio
41. Your four basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4.Chocolate

Funny - Xmas Trees and Onions

2006-12-17T14:34:00.000-08:00

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions". "Onions?" "Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes hrough three phases.In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch,flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree". A Christmas tree?"

"Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."

Humor - Texan Baby

2006-12-17T14:33:00.000-08:00

A Texas farmer is drinking in a New York bar when, he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar announcing his wife has produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the farmer just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks, like I said, my boy's a typical Texas baby boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW!" One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say you're the father of that typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious.

"What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his Budweiser beer, wipes his
Lips 0n his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, “Ah Had'm circumcised!"

Jokes - The Titanic and Bill Clinton

2006-12-17T14:32:00.000-08:00

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton.
One smart ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition
that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for
this report:
Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose , their forbidden love, and subsequent
catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica , their forbidden love, and subsequent
catastrophe.
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill .
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose 's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica .
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica 's forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Monica .
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica ...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary ..basically the same thing.

Hard Times - Viagra

2006-12-16T03:19:00.000-08:00

Hard Times in bed without Viagra.

Humor - Belgium Fake Revolution

2006-12-15T05:31:00.000-08:00

Belgium's fake revolution
Fake TV report sends Belgium into a panic

Belgian TV broadcast a fake news program that sent the country into a panic.» Details

A huge phony newscast was reported as the "Flemish parliament has unilaterally declared the independence of Flanders" and it is said that King Albert and Queen Paola had left on the first air force plane available because of this belgium fake revolution that got announced over the news what was actually Belgium Independence Hoax.

There's no revolution in Belgium. Really!

[quote]
Suddenly and shockingly, Belgium came to an end. State television broke into regular programming late Wednesday with an urgent bulletin: The Dutch-speaking half of the country had declared independence and the king and queen had fled. Grainy pictures from the military airport showed dark silhouettes of a royal entourage boarding a plane.
[/quote]

Frantic viewers flooded the call center of the RTBF.
"Ambassadors who were worried asked what they had to tell their capitals," said Senate Chair Anne-Marie Lizin. "This fiction was seen as a reality and it created a catastrophic image of the country."

The Belgium Independence Hoax was a stunt aired by Broadcasters.

You might imagine that the only people who enjoyed this program that was intended to be humorous in some way were the separatist far-right Flemish Interest party.
Fake TV report sends Belgium into a panic

Jokes - On The Nude Beach

2006-12-14T22:24:00.000-08:00

As part of his growing up process, Isaac and Renee take their 6 year old son Aaron to a nude beach. As Isaac and Aaron take a walk along the sands, Aaron notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mum’s, so he runs back to ask her why.
"The bigger they are, Aaron, the sillier the lady is," explains Renee.
Aaron is pleased with her answer and goes away to play. But 5 minutes later he returns to tell Renee that many of the men have larger things than his dad has.
"The bigger they are, Aaron, the dumber the man is," explains Renee.
He is again very pleased with her answer and goes back to play.
5 minutes later, Aaron is back again and promptly tells Renee, "Mum, dad is talking to the silliest lady on the beach and the longer he talks to her, the dumber he gets."

Humor - You Might be Trailer Trash if...

2006-12-14T08:25:00.000-08:00

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.

If a tornado hits your home and causes $10,000 dollars worth of improvement.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this."

You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia boss.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jokes - Restaurant Waiter jokes

2006-12-13T22:23:00.000-08:00

Sarah is on a dinner date. When she gets to the Golders Green restaurant, she is shown to her table. Her date has not yet arrived. She puts down her handbag and waits. After 10 minutes he still hasn’t arrived so she decides to tidy herself up to make sure that she looks perfect for him. She bends down and starts rummaging through her handbag, looking for her mirror. Unfortunately, as she is bending down, she accidentally lets go a loud fortz just as a waiter is walking by. Sarah immediately sits up straight. She’s embarrassed and red faced and sure that everyone in the restaurant heard her ‘misdemeanour’ so she quickly turns to the waiter and shouts, "Stop that."
The waiter looks at her and keeping a straight face says, "Of course, madam, which way was it headed?"

fortz: fart

Jokes - Pickle Slicer

2006-12-13T22:20:00.000-08:00

Yossel Abramovitz works in a pickle factory. Unfortunately, he suddenly develops a very powerful desire to put his shlong in the pickle slicer. After three months of restraint, Yossel can’t stand it any more and decides to seek professional help for this infatuation of his. He then spends many sessions with a psychiatrist who finally gives up on him.
"Yossel," says the psychiatrist, "because your desire to put your penis in the pickle slicer is so powerful, the only way to get over it is to actually do it."
"OK," says Yossel, "I’ll do it first thing tomorrow morning at work. I promise."
And next day, Yossel does what he promised. But at 11am, he arrives back at his house. This worries his wife Sarah and she asks him why he’s home so early. Yossel tells her for the first time about his desire; that he couldn't take it any more, and that today he did it and got fired as a result.
Sarah gasps, runs over to him, pulls down his trousers and pants – and sees his shlong perfectly normal and intact. She looks up at him and says, "I don't understand, Yossel, what happened to the pickle slicer?"
"She got fired too," replies Yossel

Funny - Things to do in a public toilet

2006-12-13T04:56:00.000-08:00

Comment "Pooh, who did that?"

Complement people on their shoes.

Introduce yourself to the person in the next stall. Strike up a conversation.

Provide 'strenuous' sound-effects.

Ask the person in the next stall if there's anything swimming in THEIR bowl.....

Discuss the pros and cons of laxatives.

Scream " Oh my GOD! What the hell is THAT?"

Simulate a drug deal.

Pretend to fall in (with appropriate sound effects).

Roll Easter Eggs under the doors.

Start a sing-a-long.

Act schizophrenically.

Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. If so, ask if they are busy....

Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman.

Ask loudly "When does the movie start?"

Write 'nerdy' graffitti like "Please wash your hands. Thank you."

Kick in stall doors, camera in hand.

Pour water over the stall door onto occupant.

Say "Oops.... missed" while syringing water out around the bowl and under the walls and door into other stalls.

Fake an orgasm.

At night, switch off the lights.

Run around naked yelling "Where's the fish?"

Collect a door charge.

Ask "Is there a doctor in the house?"

Impersonate Elvis. Be convincing.

Ask whether anyone can see your pet sewer rat/river python/axolotl.

Write essay questions on the toilet paper.

Put cling-film (Glad Wrap) over the toilet bowl.

Offer refreshments.

Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sand paper.

Run in, yelling "Free Willy!"

Charge admission.

Electrify metal urinals.

Leave a ladle in the toilet bowl.

One word: GOLDFISH.

Make a jello in the bowl.

Place a sign advertising "Driver's side airbags" as standard.

Remove stall doors.

Glue seat and cover down to bowl.

Place signs warning of hour video surveillance.

Make stall doors lockable only from the OUTSIDE.

Put itching powder on the toilet seats.

Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl.

Replace soap in dispenser with custard.

Completely soak the towel in the towel dispenser, or the paper towels if available.

Make kitty litter trays that fit into toilet bowls. Install.

Replace condoms in vending machine with tampons (or vice versa).

In one stall, attach the toilet bowl to roof. (Advice for young players: Don't leave the water in while you do this....)

Create a crime scene complete with police tape and chalk silhouette.

Humor - George Carlin Thoughts

2006-12-12T04:56:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .. ... they're cramming for their final ex am.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Fat Ugly Joke

2006-12-11T12:23:00.000-08:00

A woman looks in the bedroom mirror...and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment!"

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".

Entertainment - Arthur Worsley - Ventriloquist

2006-12-07T10:07:00.000-08:00

A Ventriloquist and his doll , what could be more funny , I know it may sound to you as old humor but you have to check this small video footage of a ventriloquist and his doll on a show.

Nowadays ventriloquists are not that popular anymore , but stay with me and watch this little footage to bring up good old quality humor .
This is so funny that you may want to try to be a ventriloquist. Well speaking and not moving your lips may proove harder then it looks like . Indeed there were some special courses that ventriloquists had to follow in order to have a grade A performance.

Performed on "The Ed Sullivan Show" on November 3, 1957. Available on "The Very Best of The Ed Sullivan Show Volume 2"

Humor Jokes - Happy Frog

2006-12-05T09:39:00.000-08:00

A woman storms into a pet shop demanding her money back from the owner. You sold me this frog and told me it would be able to satisfy all my sexual desires!

The clerk tries to calm her down and asks, Did you do what I told you to do?

Yes, dammit! I got naked, lay back on my bed, and put him between my legs just like you said, and he did nothing!she shouts.

The owner, looking confused, replies, well that`s a perfectly trained frog. I can`t understand what`s wrong.

He takes the woman and the frog to a back room in the shop, where he places the frog on a small table next to a bed and asks the woman to please lie down and remove her panties.

Turning to the frog, he says, Now watch carefully, because this is the last time I`m showing you this!

Humor - Sony Unveils New Self-Destructive

2006-12-05T09:36:00.000-08:00

Another weak attemp at defeating Piracy
Sony Unveils New Self-Destructive

Tokyo - Many industry analysts have wondered which way Sony would go in the copyright protection debate. Sony manufactures both hardware, which is harmed by piracy controls, and entertainment, which is helped by piracy controls. A recent release of a self-destructive DVD player shows that the entertainment division is winning that internal argument.
"Large amounts of pirated material were hopefully destroyed in the blaze," said MPAA officials.

"Copy protection has been foiled too easily by pirates, and we need to do something more effective," said Sony Entertainment vice-president Harold Wang. "Self-destructive DVDs have been tried, but rejected by consumers. We feel that consumers will embrace the self-destructive DVD players, because it gives them that Mission Impossible I've-got-the-latest-gadget feeling. We even have the player say 'This DVD player will self-destruct in 10 seconds.'"

Wang addressed the safety concerns of destroying a DVD player: "Sure there are safety issues, but most homes are equipped with smoke detectors these days, and are chock full of pirated material which would be destroyed in the blaze. OK, their house might burn down, but isn't that a small price to pay to combat piracy?"

Full story
http://www.bbspot.com/News/2003/05/self_destruct.html

Humor Jokes - James Bond

2006-12-04T08:41:00.000-08:00

James Bond walks up to the bar at the casino in Monte Carlo, sits down near a beautiful woman and keeps checking his watch.

Eventually she turns to him and asks him if his friend is late.

"well actually" he says "this is a special watch that i got from Q and it speaks to me telepathically."

"and what is it telling you?" asks the beautiful woman.

"That you are not wearing any knickers this evening" replies James.

"well" said the woman, "it must be broken because i am wearing knickers."

"DAMN" said James, "Must have set it an hour fast this morning!"

Funny Picture - Women scorned - Bitter Breakup

2006-12-04T08:28:00.000-08:00

Bitter Breakups (wow.. I wouldn't want to be in any of this guys place to face a woman that can do such things , breakup is awfull .. a bitter breakup that involves a woman scorned)

---
breakups funny photos
revenge from angry women (women scorned) after a bitter brakeup

Funny Picture - Stress at Work

2006-12-03T00:28:00.000-08:00

Extreme Office Stress

That is what could happen of to much stress so don't do everytime like your boss says and enjoy a little of your time at work by relaxing.

Funny - Ten (10) new words

2006-12-03T00:25:00.000-08:00

1. AQUADEXTROUS
(ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION
(kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT
(dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS
(el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST
(frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION
(lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER
(peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS
(pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION
(tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

The words don't exist but these words make a lot of sense :P .

Funny Picture - Right Brain Conflict

2006-12-02T15:03:00.000-08:00

I 'll give you this little exercise to do.

You'll notice it is quite hard to spell the requested word correctly as what happens is your right brain and left brain get in conflict , while you try to say the colour of the word out loud instead of the actual word wich is part of the colour listing.

X-ServerList user please come here for original content and bookmark your entertainment resource

Funny News - No more internet ?

2006-12-01T23:16:00.000-08:00

RIAA wants the Internet shut down

Interesting argument of the day

By Nick Farrell: Wednesday 29 November 2006, 08:38

ONE OF THE lawyers involved in defending cases bought against people by the RIAA claims that if the music industry wins a crucial case, the Internet will have to be switched off.
Speaking on the DefectiveByDesign anti-DRM campaign site, Ray Beckerman said the case of Electro vs. Barker has become very important for the web's future.

Barker was being defended by Beckerman who made a motion to dismiss the case because the RIAA had forgot to provide any acts or dates or times of copyright infringement as the law normally requires.

The RIAA argued that by merely making files available on the Internet Barker was making a copyright infringement.

Beckerman said that it was a shocking argument because if it were accepted by the court it would probably shut down the entire Internet. If you send any file on the Net the RIAA will be allowed to suspect that you are in breach of copyright.

What was more disturbing is that the RIAA called up its mates in Washington to back it up. Apparently the United States Government has put in motions supporting the RIAA.

From here:
http://theinquirer.net/default.aspx?article=36027

LMAO It's a global thing - what are they going to do pull the plug worldwide? How can they shut down the internet? How are they even going to do it in America? Shut down ISP providers? Stop the public from subscribing to ISPs? I bet you that would break some Constitutional rights. It would be interesting to actually compare the tax revenue generated by the ISP subscriptions to the tax revenue generated by the movie/recording industries etc. The fact is that the media copying is damaging the profit margin of the artists ( debatably ) , developers & companies involved in the production of software/games/music/movies and someone is taking a hit to the pocket that they can probably afford but don't actually like so something has to be done or at least be seen to be being done. Talk about shutting down the internet is ludicrous and scare-mongering drivel.

Although this seems worrying I think it's plain funny that they decided to tell such stories that internet could be possibly shut down as a solution.

Cyanide and Happiness comics

2006-11-30T13:29:00.000-08:00

Cyanide and Happiness comics

I think they are awesome and thought I would post one for people to see...

http://www.explosm.net/comics/719/

Its lame (kind of lame if one doesn't have that kind of humor... ) funny but I love it...

Cool - Efes Pilsen

2006-11-29T14:02:00.000-08:00

Efes Pilsen

Man some people have waaay too much spare time.
Very cool though.

Funny - Mcdonalds job application

2006-11-28T08:48:00.000-08:00

This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald’s restaurant in Florida; and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and ‘post-it’ notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

AVAILABLE FOR WORK: Of course. That’s why I’m applying.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3:30pm., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UPTO 50lbs?: 50lbs. of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be the winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blond supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

Funny Video - Portable Gaming experience

2006-11-27T00:01:00.000-08:00

I guess that now you should proffit of all the time you could get in order to still have a chance to become an elite in the gaming world as most of teens are preparing for a long time.

Check out this baby learning to handle a Sony PSP. He had to choose between the best portable consoles : PSP. Enjoy this humorous video where the baby handles the PSP well (to bad we can't see him play a game .. that would have been nice)

Funny Flash Game - Lust for Bust

2006-11-26T04:05:00.000-08:00

Play this funny flash game: Lust for Bust . Personally I didn't finish it but if you do please share the time and/or method ;) .

Humor - The world without

2006-11-25T16:02:00.000-08:00

Aeronautical-Engineers

Civil-Engineers

Communication-Engineers

Computer-Engineers

Electronics-Engineers

Mechanical-Engineers

Drive Thru Fun

2006-11-25T12:09:00.000-08:00

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for.
3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands.
4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.
5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels.
6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you're in.
7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on.
8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.
9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box.
10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.
11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?"
12. When asked if they can take your order say, "Why, can I take yours?"
13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.
14. Pretend your car has broken down. Ask for assistance moving it. When they come out, drive away.
15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom.
16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.
17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.
18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it.
19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.
20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

Humor - Having fun with cops

2006-11-25T00:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was - a damn Motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket ...

So, I went up to him and I said: "Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"

He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!

So, I called him a sorry excuse for a human being. He then finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started to write a third ticket!

This went on for about 25 minutes ... the more I abused and hurled insults at him, the more tickets he wrote ...
But hey, I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner ...

Humor - The 50 year date

2006-11-24T23:28:00.000-08:00

An elderly couple who used to be sweethearts met up in the street recently and all the old feelings came rushing back to them. Since neaither of them were married now they both thought what the hell lets go for it.

Travelling to a local beauty spot bordering a farmers field they found the same spot where they had made love 50 years ago. After some initial fourplay the man turns the woman round and pushes her up against the fence post, grabs hold of the fence for a bit support and takes her from behind.

After ten minutes of frantic thrashing sex he finally finishes and the woman turns roud to him saying " You didnt make love to me like that 50 years ago"

"50 years ago that bloody fence wasnt electrified!" he replied.

Humor - Tell me your IQ

2006-11-24T13:35:00.000-08:00

Tell me your IQ

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. It could not only dispense drinks flawlessly, but also, like any bartender, engage in appropriate conversation.
A man enters the bar, orders a drink.
The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, then asks him:
"What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "150."
And the robot proceeds to make conversation about Quantum physics, string theory, atomic chemistry, etc.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool."
He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink.

Again, the robot serves him the drink and asks him:
"What's your IQ?"
The man responds, "100."
And immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, supermodels, etc.
Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robotone more test.

He goes back in, the robot serves him, asks:
"What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "50."
And the robot says, "So, you gonna vote for Bush again?"

Funny - Four friends and their sons

2006-11-24T13:34:00.000-08:00

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday"
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame..what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends

Breaking News - Saddam has escaped

2006-11-22T12:49:00.000-08:00

Quick ! It's on the news .. Tell everybody .. Saddam Hussein has escaped!

Funny - New Car from AOL

2006-11-21T21:31:00.000-08:00

A new car from AOL
The AOL Car

1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.

2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.

3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.

4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.

5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.

6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.

7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.

8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.

9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.

10. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.

11. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.

12. AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.

13. AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.

14. Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.

15. It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.

16. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.

17. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?

18. It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.

19. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.

20. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.

21. Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."

Fun - Mario Brothers Sound Theme

2006-11-20T04:21:00.000-08:00

Sweet impressive Super Mario Brothers sound theme from Mario game played by a person using two quitars. It's fun to watch and very relaxing as it brings up memories back when everyone played this cool game.

This is a dude that has mastered the art of playing guitar. Not only that but he plays two at once.